So apparently Advertising.com is branching out. Here's a new sales pitch I heard about our new psycho-linguistic social programming technology, which launches in 2042.
AdJective (a registered trademark of Time Warner LLC)
"Wow...Playstation 9 is a really crappy product."
Don't you hate the spread of negative publicity due to the sub-par performance of your product? Well we can help you do something about it! Hey...hey...put away those PhD engineers. Product Development is an outdated solution!
With the AdVent (a registered trademark of Time Warner LLC) of the world-wide brain net, we are now able to purchase AdSpace inventory from actual conversations! Here's how it works:
People connected to the brain net can set certain parameters within which we can place "conversational" advertisement. These parameters are then used as search terms for ad campaigns. For example, whenever a user talks about food, his/her brain will trigger an impression call to our servers. Using our amazing optimization technology, we will send a series of electrical signals to the language center of their brain that make them say something. Maybe even your ad!
Clearly you can see how this can easily be leveraged into a fantastic marketing opportunity. Forget celebrities. The people your customers really trust are their friends. Imagine running a guerrilla marketing campaign by just bidding on these terms! The possibilities are endless.
Use AdJective to accomplish your ObJective!
Everything here is clearly fake. Anyone can tell that this was a satirical ass-beating. I haven't written any satire in a while, so this was pretty refreshing. It started when I was thinking about how all Ad.com's products start with "ad" and if we were to start a branding campaign, we should go out and buy up all the rights to works that start with "ad," especially advertising. This turned out a lot darker than I originally intended.
Incidentally:
Somewhat related comic!
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1 comment:
i find this post to be more hillarious than dark.
whats interesting is that a friend of ours has done something strikingly like this with a business plan he has put forth for a personal school project that was picked up by a semi-major corporate player. a big time minor leaguer.
what he did was he pitched the idea of selling the time your phone spends ringing back during a call to ad agencies so that instead of hearing a ring when you call someone you hear an ad for something like "i cant believe its not mutha fuckin butter, dog" or "enhance your appeal with dick cream". so thanks to this guy, who im sure just wanted to win the prize money, you may now be hearing ads when you call someone. i mean who really gives a damn about thinking about what you really want to say to someone on the phone anyway when you can just space out and listen to ads for dick cream and spreadin butter.
that time is coming i think your dark comedy is just ahead of its time. soon itll be a mocumentary. and then a documentary. and then a historical document. and then common knowledge... and then... legend.
maybe not legend. but still. just sayin.
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