raging in the city, saturday night

take your chances, do or die. Cuz tomorrow comes and nothing feels the same.

so im here on the cusp of finishing a 6.5 year saga at the big house. back in familiar territory. when i got back to pittsburgh to do the last 6 weeks of my degree i felt indomitable. i knew that this was my last chance and that i couldnt let anyone or anything stand in my way of finally securing that b.a., albeit 2 and a half years behind schedule. the odd thing was that as soon as i got off the bus from the PIA all of that ambition, all of that focus and drive, began to evaporate. to completely atomize and vanish into the air in front of my face. the old ghosts were back, they are still here. im still here.

the place is like a temporal bubble. everything outside of it moves, changes, becomes, but nothing inside does. you are who you were when you left. the odd thing is that im not though. i grew up so much in my time away. i was stronger, harder, less comprising. i thought i was. no one here remembers me. the professors, the admins, the officers, they dont care. why am i still mad at them. they dont even know me anymore.

when this, the last two weeks of the journey, is over thats it. there is no more. the bubble pops and everything that happend here is gone with it save for the memories of a handful of people who shared the experience with me. everyone will move on to whatever's next... and ive realized that to continue to rage over things that happend years ago is simply unreasonable. tomorrow is coming and for the first time in 6 and a half years nothing will be the same.