Why Jesus Is Awesome, Christianity Is Bullshit

Let's save the easy shit for last.  Jesus is awesome.  In fact, he's kind of an angry, condescending, bad ass half the time.  He's the kind of guy who would tell you to "google it" instead of ripping you a new one for asking a dumb question.  He would be the first one to tell you the question you asked was a dumb question, but would also not phrase it in a way that would make you feel bad.  At least not initially.  Maybe a few days later when you had some time to cool off and think about why you got so angry he didn't just feed you a yes or no.  This is going to be a pretty brief post, btw.  Jesus loves people, and he loves them so much he won't tell you to go kill yourself, but he will give you all the knowledge you need to know that you should probably go kill yourself, but what makes him awesome is that after you realize you should probably have gone to kill yourself days and years ago, he'll explain to you why your life is worth living.  Not necessarily the how.  The how part always comes with a little more agency than a blueprint.  Therein lies the source of Christianity's bullshit.

God fucking hates you.  With a passion.  But Jesus loves you.  And the holy ghost lives inside, and therefore, is you.  And that's how you can pretty much bend and warp whatever your heart desires into the practice of Christianity.  It's not a religion.  It's a broad based conviction that you can't fuck up.  It's micro law.  Macro law governs all of the basic things that keep society from self destructing.  You can argue that some of it is based in micro law, and you wouldn't be wrong.  You wouldn't be right either.  I mean, my cats know that life is better when they're not trying to kill, rape, and flimflam each other constantly.  That's micro law at work.  Macro law simply states it explicitly.  Macro law says don't drive too fast because you might kill someone or yourself.  Micro law says be nice to other drivers because you would want them to be nice to you in a similar or point for point exact situation.  Micro law says you'll get an eternal reward when you die.  Macro law says you won't go to jail and can continue to enjoy your freedom while your heart still beats.

That's where Christianity turns to bullshit.  Because the bible is so broad and the text so far reaching and universally applicable it is very easy to see whatever you want to see.  For fuck's sake there is an old bible and a new bible combined into one book.  Half of the practices and principles come from the old book and half from the new.  You don't need ten commandments if you love your neighbor as yourself, but you do need ten commandments if you can't love yourself in the first place.  You can turn the other cheek as long as people don't take advantage of you, but if they do then it's eye for an eye, right?  Depending on how many cheek turnings you have to do?  As long as you don't love the abuse and abuse yourself?  Or is it that they do not know what they do and everything will come to balance in the revelation?  But how funny will that be when every person who ever died is sucked out of the ether of matter for the rapture?  I mean people will literally be coming out of the woodwork.

Last thing is this:  there is no quick fix for weight loss.  All you have to do is get used to being hungry sometimes.  It happens.  It's normal for 90% of the world.  Sometimes you get hungry and sometimes you just have to stay hungry for a while.  I don't know, pray on it or something.  Eat a whole side of bacon on Wednesday, but don't do it again on Thursday.  It's not that hard.  It is at first, but it gets a lot easier.  Just stop falling for the bullshit.  Take the time to unlearn your taste for candy, or soda, or whatever the fuck it is you pound into your face.  Do more drugs or run more or sleep more, just stop ingesting every time your body tells you to.

I don't know how anyone takes Christianity seriously.  It causes more problems than it solves.  I said it before and I'll say it again:  if you need religion to live correctly or at least treat yourself and your fellow man, and therefore equal by default on basic grounds, like human beings what you need is not religion.  What you need is a damn psychiatrist.