MTV loves muscley white dudes

like many people with too much time on their hands I have had the misfortune of watching several MTV "reality" shows. Its not that I enjoy watching human suffering or that I like being made to feel utterly bankrupt, inadequate, useless, and silly for having even a hint of a moral compass as much as it is that I've seen just about every show on the history channel and dont feel like tuning in to mid-season yawn-athon basketball games, tlc freakshows, or the latest comedy central presents (insert re-hash douchebag vaguely bigoted [but not enough to hurt anyones feelings]... possibly female comic's name here). and how many times can you really watch family guy re-runs? like seriously watch and pay attention to.

so what i've noticed is that mtv loves the following:

#1: muscley white dudes. mtv loves putting big muscley threatening white dudes close to is-her-skin-orange-or-is-my-tv-fucked-up? white chicks. and nothing makes for an "explosive!!!!" or "IN YOUR FACE!!" situation like orange chicks fighting over white muscley dudes... or white muscley dudes fighting over orange chicks... or in the latest sequence of repugnance: white muscley dudes fighting over eachother.

#2: reform artists. nothing like some change for money. lets ask people to make a change but not before we consult their character coaches, agents, and put lots of money on the table, including plenty of air time, promo spots, and the possibility for their own spin off show about how hard life is when your almost famous/were once famous and are now washed up/famous for being almost famous/a complete package of everything negative and shallow a person could embody... . lets ask them to cry and put them in fun situations but above all lets pretend to inspire people. because with the right amount of money thrown at you what side of you won't you be willing to pretend to be willing to change about yourself that only show and accentuate because there's a camera and this is your chance to make your fecal stain on the fabric of pop-culture.

#3: token representatives. probably should have come before muscley white dudes, but its third place because nothing can overcome the great white blizzard of mtv muscle milk, reflector shades, and glinting blonde topped orange skin. mtv loves picking out the token black guy to include on their shows. nothing brings in the viewers like a black guy for all black guys, because as you know all black guys aspire to be of medium or excessive build (no middle ground), with daily barbered and pencil thin beards/mustaches, who drop phrases like "a yo yo, dont test me home boy" and "aw damn, her booty was like BLA-dowww" and the occassional "I am raw son, you don' even know" in moments of high emotion and whenever the "thug" must be brought out of them.

#4: closet cases. only after fake tans, straw blonde and/or platinum hair, HGH, and token representatives are the closet cases. the hiders. the uncertains. the people who arent sure if they are gay, a past victim of rape, black, white, a lesbian, pregnant, religious, male, female, in recovery for a problem they dont have, or just drunk all the fucking time. nothing puts asses in seats like a camera available to catch every mental, verbal, character slip that no one would ever give a shit about otherwise cuz it doesnt matter to anyone outside of their tiny little "cut off from all human contact except for a shitty phone and boxed in with 7 other camera hungry sociopathic morons who dont know their asses from their mouths" world.


that is why i have decided to not watch it again... spongebob reruns are like telecommuting courses at yale by comparison.