marketable skills

Its nice to distract myself with things like talking about movies and books and poetry and life, but the truth of the matter is they are just what they are, distractions.

sure i've chosen to be happy, but how far is that choice really going to carry me? its seems so simple to force a smile and to wear it as long as i can. to pump my heart full of happiness till it oozes out of my face at the mouth and the eyes. and it is simple. but beneath that surface things are falling in. its depressing. number of jobs applied to: 8. number of responses (positive and negative): 0. amount of money in three combined bank accounts: 14$. total debt accrued: 67,000$. number of higher education degrees attained: 0. credit score: 610 approx. 25th percentile. number of collection accounts: 4. total bills due in next 3-4 weeks: 120$. monster.com account activity: none. campus job eligibility: negative.

i am trying to stay positive, but seriously folks, where am i supposed to turn now? where are my marketable skills? i thought i had something to offer, but apparently some college and a high school diploma dont get you shit in the world. four years of job related experience dont get you shit. you either get lucky or you don't. you either happen to apply first in line or you might as well be last in line.

im going to keep applying, and im going to keep searching, but three weeks have gone by and i've seen zero returns for my labor. it would appear that my marketable skills are actually not marketable at all. there is no demand in chicago for full time entry level sales people, writers, editors, cashiers, retail people, warehouse workers, loss preventers, publishers, telemarketers, appointment setters, receptionists, or anything else that doesn't require highly specialized knowledge you would only gain in an internship or through college coursework. jobs i would qualify are literally out of reach because they are 15 and 20 miles away and out of walking distance from mass transit systems.

like i said before, its depressing. i feel like im on an island. im somewhere between high school and grad school. my knowledge is too unsubstantiated for corporate work or full time staff work, and useless for part time crew work. the last time i punched a cash register was nearly 7 years ago. ive never worked a retail floor in my life. i dont know the first thing about managing others and ive never lead a shift team. im not working towards an mba and i've never done real work in a warehouse. ive never sold anything over the phone and ive never worked in a troubleshooting call center. ive never waited tables or had any experience as a receptionist. i dont have steady hands or work well in crowded places. i dont know how to mix good drinks. im not eligible to work anywhere on a college campus. and on top of all that, most places within reach of me are fully staffed anyway. i cant even get a job washing dishes (i know because i am trying and have yet to get a response), let alone an unpaid internship getting people coffee and making photocopies (my grades aren't good enough to get in anywhere).

things are falling in and it gets more difficult by the day to keep a smile on my face. at least i have my distractions.